i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
