Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
