And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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