i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
