apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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