love makes seman taste better
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
