im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
