She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
vagina is talking i cant
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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