I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
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Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
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i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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