Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.

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  (810): I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages. http://tfl.nu/0oct
  Replies (4) Good night (1670) Bad night (550)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"

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  (502): The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!" http://tfl.nu/u8jk
  Replies (23) Good night (6286) Bad night (815)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?

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  (312): Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo? http://tfl.nu/uk9c
  Replies (33) Good night (3410) Bad night (3732)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.

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  (512): that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people. http://tfl.nu/5ebd
  Replies (9) Good night (3655) Bad night (1031)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up

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  (402): Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up http://tfl.nu/1eo4
  Replies (5) Good night (3197) Bad night (734)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.

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  (920): She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future. http://tfl.nu/bxh5
  Replies (7) Good night (1565) Bad night (928)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.

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  (520): Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this. http://tfl.nu/0jj8
  Replies (8) Good night (965) Bad night (1797)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Elaborate

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Strip Mario-Kart

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  (224): My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream. (312): Elaborate (224): Strip Mario-Kart http://tfl.nu/xw36
  Replies (11) Good night (2836) Bad night (853)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.

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  (917): bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was. http://tfl.nu/th2f
  Replies (3) Good night (2308) Bad night (566)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.

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  (612): Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up. http://tfl.nu/k33q
  Replies (3) Good night (1832) Bad night (592)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...

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  (313): You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing... http://tfl.nu/xgjw
  Replies (2) Good night (547) Bad night (1093)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.

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  (814): I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag. http://tfl.nu/1d0d
  Replies (6) Good night (1124) Bad night (421)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I want to go out and have good clean fun.

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.

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  (931): I want to go out and have good clean fun. (931): Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina. http://tfl.nu/qwbd
  Replies (1) Good night (521) Bad night (501)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??

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  (608): He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case?? http://tfl.nu/iqff
  Replies (4) Good night (386) Bad night (546)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here

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  (306): had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious (1-306): that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here http://tfl.nu/w93t
  Replies (1) Good night (728) Bad night (357)

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