Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops