the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
