I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The chlamydia really affected his face.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Randomize
