I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Good thing I've started drinking again
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.