I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in