all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.