I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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