So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
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I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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