Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
