you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
