Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
