The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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