i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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