Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
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Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
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I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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