He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i will never coherently bang her
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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