the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my being single is dangerous.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
