He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
