sorry about calling you the devil all night.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
