it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
