i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
