She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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