Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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