haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
