making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
