Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
