haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
