A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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