Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
