im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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