haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You're so nebulous sometimes
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
