If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
