He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
