Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
