yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
