Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
