so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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