I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
