this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
