Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
