That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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