There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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