I wish I could teleport
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
