Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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