Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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