so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
