Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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