There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
