your room smells of hookers.
And success
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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