Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize