Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
