we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
