What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
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my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
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You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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