Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
