He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
