Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
