Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize