There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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