if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
